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Mutant Scorpio

I looked at her, wearing boots with thin, sexy heels. And I think, you know what, I could wear those. In fact I do have boots with heels, not thin and sexy heels, but heels. I have nice shoes with heels that I almost wore. I know they are bad for your feet but I wanted to wear them so badly. But then I was afraid I would look like a poseur and/or be uncomfortable. And there she was, like an adult, with her nice skirt and heeled boots and sweater. And I am wearing jeans, naots, sweatshirt... no make-up, messy hair... like always. I can't be any different. I do try sometimes, but I am too frumpled.

I guess you could say there is no profession for me in my future where I would have to wear a business suit. I'm sure it would be lopsided. Like my eyes (my right eye is slightly more closed than the other, which sometimes makes me not want to do my hair in the morning - like how my right boob is more perky than the left, so I tighten the left bra strap more to make them even). I feel like that girl who is wearing thick socks under her nice skirt, and one of her socks is perpetually around her ankle.

But I did organize the caterer and set up the room and get all the supplies and everything went smoothly. There were about 12 participants and 9 of them were from my end. So that was successful.

And he comes to talk to me more than the other advisors. I wonder if I am more approachable or if it's all in my head, and I happen to be out of the room when he approaches the other advisors. Or something. It's not that he's some kind of mythic being that deserves special respect and admiration, like ooh he is paying attention to me kind of thing. It's just that, being the newbie, it makes me happy when somebody picks me first. When someone would rather come over to talk to me than to those other people. I don't feel like that often. It could help that he is also a newbie. But he is Israeli, so everyone goes up to him like he is special. I guess because he is foreign, interesting, new, and not only all of that but from Israel. (Many American Jews have an Israeli fetish - it's more than the accent)

If there's one thing I do miss about working in summer camps it's the international staff you meet. I like talking to people who don't live in the US. It's refreshing. Except when they start bashing everything about my country, and yelling at me like it's my fault despite the fact that I vote against pretty much everything they are having qualms with.

I know she doesn't like me, too. She and I are Scorpios but she is so different from me, I think. With her boots. I have boots, too, but I wear them differently when I do wear them. I always kind of fantasized about the boots the fantasy characters wear in the books. With the tight pants and the tunic.

Do I really wear them differently? Are we really that different? She's like the Scorpio who wears seductive clothing and bites you when you're not careful. And I'm like the Scorpio who is too distrustful to be seductive, but takes the friendly playful route (but may also bite you if you aren't careful and is quick to judgement). My friend once played me like she was giving me an expensive present so that I would buy her something with literally my last dollar. And I spent it. And she bought me soaps from the dollar store. She wasn't my friend anymore because she wasn't even joking and it literally was my last dollar. Serves me right.

Sometimes I want to be like her kind of Scorpio but I realize I can't be any different because I really am too frumpled and my eyes are more lopsided than most people's eyes and I have pimples and I have something of a belly.

I'm not a mutant, I swear.


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